COLUMN: Steve Miller

Las Vegas Tribune

November 16, 1999

Who the Hell am I?

With a real common name like Steve Miller, I can almost get away with anything -- almost. When I screw up, they always think it was one of the other Steve Millers, but sometimes I get blamed when one of the other Steve Miller's screws up.

One of us is a writer for the Nevada Policy Research Institute newsletter. I love to take full credit for Steve's brilliant essays because he is so smart although he doesn't want to take credit for my column in the Tribune - yet.

Another SM is accused of beating up women. I was once confronted by one of his alleged victim's sisters. She jumped up on stage while I was addressing the Strip Optimists Club at Denny's across from the Bellagio. It was on an April 1st. so I didn't take her seriously -- until she began screaming at me!

The lady was a waitress at the restaurant and her outburst was surely being noticed by her boss. She screamed that I had beaten her little sister senseless and that I should be in prison! Since it was obviously a stupid April Fools trick, I tried to be a good sport and go along with the gag, especially if the management of the restaurant was in on it as I presumed they were.

Unfortunately they weren't!

I finally stopped smiling when I realized that no one in the audience was laughing, I came to the shocking realization that this was NOT an April Fool's trick, she was dead serious and I was in BIG trouble!

As the audience of businesspersons watched in amazement, I tried to calm her down. Between her screaming and tears, she finally was quiet enough to listen to me when I ask her where the alleged beating occurred? She screamed "You beat up my sister in front of your house on Westwind Drive!"

I tried to explain that I am the OTHER Steve Miller and that I don't live on Westwind Drive, I live on Westlund Drive. "Wind," "Lund," the woman didn't care - I was guilty, and she was going to tell the world -- or worse!

Having the exact same name and living on similar sounding streets really confuses people, especially when another Steve Miller is accused of beating up his girl friends!

I began to shout at the woman. I yelled that she had the wrong Steve Miller and that she must immediately stop accusing me or I was going to call the manager. She calmed down long enough so that I could once again explain the situation. She finally paid attention.

The embarrassed lady forlornly exited the podium area and I tried to resume my speech on Downtown Redevelopment.

Needless to say I was never invited back as a speaker at the Strip Optimist Club’s monthly breakfast meetings.

On a recent business trip to New Orleans, I checked into the Downtowner Hotel on Bourbon Street. The young desk clerk seemed to light up when I presented my American Express card. He told me what a pleasure and honor it was to have me as a guest in his hotel, and that he would take excellent care of me.

I was immediately escorted to the Penthouse Suite. At $85.00 per night I thought this was a real bargain! Big balcony overlooking Bourbon Street, three rooms, giant TV and a fully stocked bar - What a Deal!

Throughout my four days at the Downtowner, I felt like a King. I have never been treated so well on a business trip, especially since I was traveling alone which usually begets a cold shoulder.

On the morning of my departure I summoned the bellman. I wanted to spread around a few good tips for the exceptional service and accommodations even though I could have easily carried my own bag.

The bellman looked thrilled when I opened the door! He wanted to know how good a time I had in his city? He also commented about how I did not have parties or guests during my stay at the Downtowner as if he expected me to have been celebrating during my entire stay. I complemented him on his great town and the terrific hotel but I also explained that I like to keep to myself. He seemed rather surprised with my response.

The desk clerk was next to break into a huge smile when I went to pay my modest bill. He also seemed thrilled to see me!

Then I finally began to catch on to what was happening.

The Penthouse Suite? The huge smiles? These guys acted like they had just catered to a famous celebrity -- "Steve Miller," but I was not THE Steve Miller they were catering too! I was just the Steve Miller who writes a weekly column in the Las Vegas Tribune - the Steve Miller who cannot even carry a tune. My common name was about to get me in trouble AGAIN!

"Damn that Steve Miller" I thought as I signed my credit card statement. Then it happened!

The entire staff of the Downtowner Hotel surrounded me with pens and paper. They wanted "Steve Miller's" autograph - THE "Steve Miller" of the Steve Miller Blues Band!

"Uh Oh" I thought, "what do I do now?" The Penthouse Suite probably rented for at least a thousand bucks a night! These guys were REALLY excited and the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint them and then have to ante up for the actual tab for the Penthouse.

I hurriedly signed their napkins, paper towels, notebooks, etc., with "Thanks a lot - Steve Miller." Then in my best "pseudo rock star" arrogance turned on my heals and made a quick getaway!

I "Flew like an eagle" out the front door leaving behind the happiest bunch of hotel employees on the face of the Earth! Obviously I had acted just as they thought their hero should have acted – Weird!

Anyway, I do have a few years on "Steve Miller the Musician," "Steve Miller the Newsletter Editor," and "Steve Miller the Accused Woman Beater." Oh, I almost forgot about "Steve Miller the Famous Baseball Player" - I have a few years on him too.

Since I was here first, I can always claim to be the "REAL" Steve Miller -- no matter who people wish I would be -- or blame me for being.

It is also quite interesting to be an "SM." Some rather strange people think the letters "S" and "M" stand for something other than our simple initials. They somehow associate these letters with the self-inflection of great pain. Somehow that uncanny description also fits most of the Steve Millers I have known.

-----------------------------------------------------

Steve Miller is a former Las Vegas City Councilman and writes a weekly column in the Las Vegas Tribune. Visit his website at: http://www.stevemiller4lasvegas.com